The Price Of Trust
by Seras Serenity
Summary: A bachelorette auction forces Colleen to confront the man who betrayed her trust. What price is Adrian willing to pay to regain it, and her heart? A Cadrian fic.
1. Chapter 1 The Set Up

Author's Note: Please bear with me. Trying out somethig different here. A multi-chapter fic with more dialogue, more character interaction...and an actual story line! lol This is ambitious for me. Special thanks to ravenj47 and Blair, who were kind enough to let this plot bunny run rampant until I could grab it by its ears. And Blair! My buddy, you know how much invaluable your opinion and insight is.

All characters are property of Y&R. Feedback is appreciated and most welcome!

* * *

"The Price Of Trust"

Chapter One- The Set-Up

* * *

"No."

"No?"

"Oh, I'm sorry- no way in hell."

"Come on, Colleen", Victoria pleaded. "It's only one evening. It's not even a real date. We're talking about dinner at a nice restaurant, with, more than likely, a man who's as old as his family's money."

"Ancient you mean?"

"Probably", Victoria agreed. "Look, all you'd have to do is eat, I don't know, fettucini maybe, nod in the appropriate places and laugh at all of his jokes."

"Will I have to push his wheelchair?", Colleen asked seriously.

"Maybe?"

Colleen rolled her eyes. She was at the Newman ranch, lounging on the terrace with Victoria, lured outdoors by the promise of sunshine and fresh coffee. And that's when her step-mother had sprung the trap on her; it'd begun with the oh-so casual mention of the charity auction that her family was hosting. The Newman's were known for their lavish parties and fetes that they hosted for charity. This year, it was a bachelorette auction where the men of Genoa City could bid on an evening with an eligible beauty. When she'd asked questions in an attempt to make polite conversation, Victoria had pounced. Apparently, one of the women had gotten a rather nasty case of the stomach flu and wouldn't be able to participate. Which threatened to ruin the entire event, and by the way, could she maybe save the day and stand in?

"Wow, as appealing as you make it all sound, I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn you down", Colleen said with false disappointment.

"Please, you know how important this is-"

"Victoria, no!" Why couldn't she just leave it alone? Why couldn't she leave _her _ alone? "Don't you already have an army of botox barbies lined up for this thing? One less isn't going to be a tragedy."

"Sharon's never done botox. At least I don't think so", Victoria said, attempting to change tactics.

She rolled her eyes in response, but stubbronly refused to speak. Her patience was waning under the incessant needling. When the silence became heavy and awkward, Victoria sighed in defeat.

"Look, the truth is...I'm worried about you, Colleen. We all are", she said softly, reaching across the table to take her hand. For a moment, the cool mak of indifference she'd so carefully crafted, slipped when she saw the look in Victoria's eyes. The pity. She tore her gaze away, and ripped her hand from the grasp. She'd had enough pity to last a lifetime.

"You mean you feel sorry for me", Colleen said bitterly, cursing the way her voice caught on the lump of emotion in her throat. Suddenly uncomfortable and edgy, she stood up and began pacing. "You don't have to, you know. Feel sorry for me. I mean, this is what you and J.T. warned me about, what everyone warned me about", she said, her voice full of accusation. "But I didn't listen, did I? I let my feelings for Adrian blind me."

It was true. When she'd first met Adrian Korbel, she knew only two things: He was arrogant and stole coffee from unsuspecting patrons. Shortly thereafter, she also learned that he was her Medieval Art History professor, a workaholic by choice and a brutal taskmaster that expected only the very best from his students. But time would reveal other sides to her; brilliant academic, charismatic lecturer, passionate art connoisseur. And there were certain sides that he showed only to her, and they were the ones she loved best; wickedly funny, gentle...an inventive and thoughtful lover. To her, Adrian seemed a wonderful but complicated puzzle.

But there was a side to Adrian that she didn't know about. Couldn't know about, at least not then. A dangerous and secretive side. Knowing now that the same hands that had touched her so intimately had held a gun countless times made her shudder. That even as he whispered sweet endearments in her ear, he lied. That even as he coaxed such exquisite pleasure from her body, he coaxed valuable information about her family, about the Grugeon Reliquary. Her cheeks burned with the shame, and she angrily swiped the moisture from her eyes.

"Colleen?" Victoria had gotten up and now hovered beside her with concern.

"It doesn't matter anyway, not really. Not any more", she said.

"That's not true. Colleen...you have a gift. For seeing the good in people, for giving them the benefit of the doubt."

"And look where it got me!", she shouted.

"You weren't wrong about him, not entirely", Victoria said. "He saved your father...and he saved you."

"Yeah, and he only lied to my face to do it! Vicki,' she said desperately, 'everything I thought I knew about him, everything he told me, it was all lies!"

"Your father lied to me too, but for good reasons, I can see that now."

"That's completely different!" How could Victoria even compare the two? "My father never had an ulterior motive for getting close to you, he never had a conversation with you in the hopes that you'd spill information imperative to his mission!" One had nothing to do with the other. "Where is this coming from anyway? Why are you even defending him?" she demanded.

"Look, I'm just saying that sometimes, people do the wrong things for the right reasons. And that's all I'm going to say on that," she said. "I swear. But you still haven't answered my question."

"What question?" She was too tired to argue. She wanted to leave, get away from this place, away from her traitorous emotions. She didn't feel like being around anyone right now.

"About the auction?"

"I already answered that." Tired of fighting the living as well as her own ghosts, she grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair and started walking towards the door. But when she reached it, a thought occurred to her. "But I'll do it. On one condition", she added. She waited until she was sure Victoria was listening. In that moment, she wasn't seeing the door she stood before or the walls of the Newman ranch, but visions of the past filled, with the spector of a man who would always haunt her.

"Never mention Adrian Korbel to me ever again."

* * *

Victoria watched Colleen get into her car. When it was nearly to the gates, she took out her cell phone and dialed purposefully.

"It's me. She just left."

Walking back out to the terrace, she stared at the afternoon sun as it began it's lazy descent.

"Well, she was pretty upset...but she'll do it." The reply on the other end was appreciative. She let out a sigh. "Don't thank me just yet. Getting her to agree to it was the easy part. The rest...is up to you."


	2. Chapter 2 The Ice Princess

Disclaimer: All characters are the property of "The Young & The Restless".

* * *

"The Price Of Trust"

Chapter 2- The Ice Princess

* * *

"Is this a private pity party, or can anyone join in?" The question startled her out of her thoughts. She dragged her gaze from the champagne glass she'd been staring at, and into the smiling face of her friend.

"What? Sorry, I didn't hear you", she said, and gave Daniel a half-hearted smile. Bored and depressed, she sat alone at a table, her companions long leaving her to mingle and tear up the dance floor. She had to admit that her family had really outdone themselves this year, with the auction. The food, the band, the decorations...all of it was a testement to the finest that money could buy. And it only brought into sharper focus the things that it couldn't.

"I'm not surprised. The way you were studying that glass of champagne, Amber and Cane could've used this table as a horizontal surface and you wouldn't have noticed", he said, and nodded towards the direction of the lip-locked couple.

She laughed, and glanced at them, her face turning to disgust. "God, seriously, can you believe those two? Good thing I skipped eating today, I don't think my stomach could've handled it." Daniel didn't laugh; instead, he stilled beside her and studied her with worried eyes. She shouldn't have mentioned not eating. Still, she couldn't help the feeling of satisfaction when she had been able to slip into a dress a size smaller than she should have been able to.

Suddenly, words spoken once before came crashing into her mind: _The post-break up diet..._She was consumed by the twin desires to both laugh and cry.

"Hey, hey, go easy on that", Daniel said, removing the champagne flute from her white-knuckled grip. Feeling suddenly bereft, she cast her eyes around, looking for something else to cling to. When he sat down beside her, she didn't dare meet his eyes. Instead, she ducked her head, hiding her face and the pain etched there behind a curtain of carmel colored tresses.

"Ok, look,' Daniel said slowly, 'I don't normally do this, but since I'm such a great guy, for one night only, I'm offering my services."

She lifted her head. It couldn't be helped, the laughter bubbling up and out. "Excuse me? As what? And should Lily be worried?"

"Tsk, tsk, you're mind's in the gutter so often they'll have to change your address." His wolfish grin was contagious and she playfully swatted his shoulder. "No, what I mean is, I'm volunteering to do agony aunt duty. So why don't you tell Aunt Daniel what's bothering you?"

She opened her mouth to laugh, but it died silently on her lips when she saw the look in his eyes. For a moment, she allowed herself to appreciate what a good friend he was. But the last thing she wanted to do was talk about her problems. Or problem, since there was one that was the root of all the others and could be summed up, not in a single word or feeling, but a name. _Adrian._

"Look, Daniel, I appreciate the offer, I really do. But..."

"But you're not ready to talk. Yeah, it's okay, I get that. I just thought I'd remind you, you know, in case you forgot...that there are people who care about you. And when you're ready to talk, or when you're not- they'll be there. Aunt Daniel will be there", he said, and she found herself enveloped in a strong pair of arms. She threw her arms around him, squeezing Daniel until she worried that he couldn't breathe, and laughed despite her tears.

When he drew back, he squeezed her hand reassuringly. "See, you even manage to make the raccoon look seem hot", he said, brushing away a tear. "I hope the man who wins the bid for you tonite, realizes just how lucky he is."

"Thanks", she said, and for the first time in weeks, gave a real smile. Then she wiped her cheeks, and was horrified to see mascara smeared across her fingers. "Oh no!" There was no way she could go out for the auction with her make-up looking like war paint! She stood up, intent on finding the nearest powder room to begin damage control.

"Look, thanks for the pep talk, but I've got fix my make-up before the auction starts, so I'll see you later." She was only a few feet from the table when Daniel's voice called her back.

"Colleen. I know it hurts...when people don't live up the expectations we have of them. In a way it's inevitable, and sometimes, it can even seem unforgiveable. But all of it, the baggage- it gets heavy. And when it does...the best thing you can do is let it go."

Before she could respond, he'd left the table, falling into the crowd of faces, both familliar and unfamilliar. What the hell was that about? His words left her confused and angry. Was he talking about Adrian? The thought of letting go of the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, it was laughable! Didn't he think she'd tried that? Every day, every morning when she woke up, her pillow still wet from tears shed during sleep, and every night, when she prayed that she would stop feeling, for someone to put back together the fractured pieces of her heart.

Stepping into the crowd herself, she pushed aside careless party-goers to make her way to the powder room.

Let it go? The terrible truth was that somehow, Adrian had become part of her. Somehow, some way, during the time they'd been together, he'd gotten under her skin, and now he was in her veins, in her very being.

And as long as he was, so was the pain.

* * *

She was ice in every way. Her dress was a sheathe of frost, clinging to warm curves and glittering in the soft light. The frozen look in her eyes emphasized by the blue rimming them, full lips a pale pink that had crystallized from lack of warmth. She thought it was fitting that her outer appearance reflect how she felt inside; desolate and frozen. Standing silently on the auction stage, she was careful to look over the crowd, avoiding all eye contact.

"Our final bachelorette tonite is my own step-daughter, Colleen Carlton", Victoria announced. "Studying art at GCU, she enjoys art history, dancing, and kung-fu movies. She has some prettty killer moves, gentlemen, so I hope we have some brave men out there!"

Beyond humiliated by the whole situation, she fought the urge to push Victoria off the stage or demonstrate one of her "killer moves". What had she been thinking when she'd agreed to this ridiculous idea? Then she remembered, and bit her tongue. She'd participate in a bachelorette auction every year for the rest of her life if it meant never having to hear Adrian Korbel mentioned to her ever again. But she wasn't about to let Victoria know that.

"Why don't we start the bidding at...$1,000. Do we have a bid?"

A cacophony of voices rose up. "I see we're eager, but if we could have just one at a time, please", Victoria asked sweetly.

"$1,500.", a man called from nearby. She tried not to shudder, but couldn't help thinking that the money would definitely be better used for dental work.

"$2,300." $2,500". "$3,000." The bids continued, but she remained stony-faced and resigned, while her step-mother seemed to be in her element working the crowd over. Glimpsing Daniel off to the right, she allowed a small smile despite her earlier annoyance with him. He met her eyes her, but when he didn't return her smile, she became worried. Was something wrong?

"We're at $3,800. Come on boys, don't be shy, she doesn't bite. Hard.", Victoria added coyly with a mischevious wink.

Apalled by the comment, Colleen turned to give her a dirty look, but Victoria was wisely avoiding eye contact. This was getting way out of hand, and her patience had been running on empty for the last twenty minutes. She'd had enough. Folding her arms defiantly over her chest, she readied the evil eye and prepared to stare down the next bidder. Apparently, the aura of menace she'd tried to project was working, as the hall was silent for a moment.

"Remember, this is for a good cause!" Great, she was officially labeled as a charity case. Her night was complete.

"$5,000."

The voice came from the back of the crowd, and brought with it a cascade of emotions. People were turning around, trying to glimpse the man responsible for the bid. But she didn't have to see him- she already knew. And the realization had her heart contracting painfully.

Rooted to the spot by some unknown force, she wasn't prepared for the sight of him when he emerged to stand before her at the edge of the stage. A face she both loved and hated.

Adrian Korbel.

* * *

Authors Note: Wow, amazed how much I'm enjoying writing this. This plot bunny has manged to turn into a fully-fledged story that has managed to garner what little dedication I seem to posess. And as always, my muses accept circus peanuts and feed-back as incentive for continuing. 


	3. Chapter 3 Hostile Take Over

Disclaimer: All characters are the property of "The Young & The Restless".

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"The Price Of Trust"

Chapter 3- Hostile Take-Over

* * *

The first mistake she made was looking into his eyes. Immediately, the connection between them snapped to life, powerful and electrical. Dangerous. The force of it made her dizzy and a buzz began in her ears.

"Good evening, Colleen."

Her throat went dry and she couldn't breathe. She closed her eyes against the wild beating of her heart. Unprepared to see Adrian, she was caught between the mad impulses of fight or flight. She desperately tried to bring her defesnes online, but something about his prescense had her emotional shields refusing to cooperate.

A moment ago, she'd been standing on stage, strange men bidding on a date with her. She'd thought that her life couldn't get any worse. But Adrian had proven her wrong. He'd called out a bid of his own, stepping out from the crowd and back into her life. She felt her emotions helplessly ganging up on her, assaulted first by disbelief, hope, and then absolute fury. He had no business being here, or anywhere near her...what _was _he doing here? He'd left her...he'd left _Genoa City _several weeks ago.

"My, how unexpected," Victoria said. Colleen cast suspicious eyes towards her step-mother, not entirely sure that it was. "We now have a generous bid of $5,000. Going once..."

This couldn't be happening.

Voices whispered in the crowd, but no one challenged Adrian's bid. "Going twice..."

It was. Panic set in. "Vicki, no!" she protested. Where the hell was her father? "You can't-"

"Sold! Congratulations, sir. You have yourself one evening with Colleen Carlton."

* * *

She found herself been 'escorted', or rather dragged off-stage, immediately following the bidding. As she and Adrian were led past the crowd, she tried to keep herself from going into emotional melt-down. She followed behind, not willing to chance any "accidental brushes". On the way, she glimpsed Daniel, and he looked away, guilt in his eyes. Her anger flared. So he'd been in on this too? She supposed that along with Victoria, she could add him to her growing collection of betrayals. Really, she thought bitterly, when she had so many, what was one more?

"Ms. Victoria thought you might prefer to work out the ah, details of your arrangement here in private", the man said, and ushered them into a small but well furnished room. Once they were both inside, he closed the door. Oh, I bet she did, Colleen thought sourly...nothing like a murder to spoil a perfectly good party. She wasted a few moments pretending to study the room, anything to keep her mind from a single fact: She was alone with a man whom she hated as fiercely as she lov-...cared for.

_Don't look, don't look, damn, stop looking... _This was ridiculous, he was only a man. What was she so afraid of? So what if she couldn't take her eyes off of him. Dressed in a well-tailored tuxedo, he was vision of sophisticated masculinity. He was...adequete looking. He also seemed unchanged from the last time she'd seen him. Which was precisely the problem.

Granted, it had only been a few weeks ago, but... In her mind, he had absolutely no business looking as good as he did after everything that had happened. She'd been the one to end things...was it simply too much to ask for him to look emaciated and broken up? Scrutinizing his face, she was disappointed by the lack of dark circles under his eyes. His perfect appearance was only further testament to the fact that she'd meant nothing to him. _Then why is he here?_

"You're staring", Adrian said softly, and she realized she was. Her cheeks burned hotly, and she tore her gaze away.

"Not at much", she retorted. "But it's not everyday I get bid on by an asshole", she said venomously. "Why are you even here, Adrian? Not just at this idiotic auction, but Genoa City? Is one of the bachelorettes a suspected art thief? I know! With your considerable charms, which are only so to your own inflated ego, you plan to woo the information out of her?" She couldn't keep her tone even. The veneer of anger she'd put on weeks ago was cracking.

He said nothing, merely looked at her. His silence frustrated her, and the fact that he wasn't defending himself infuriated her. That, and the realization that she wasn't anymore able to read him now as she was then. Perhaps if she'd been able to, her heart might still be whole, instead of the broken fragments she carried with her.

He moved slowly but with purpose, taking steps closer to her. "I left something behind, something precious beyond measure. I came back for it", he said, and her heart quickened at the fierce posessiveness in his voice.

She steeled herself. "What? Don't tell me- you forgot your secret decoder ring?", she said sarcastically

Laughter, deep and amused, was her response and she felt her stomach tighten. "GCU offer extracurricular classes in sarcasm now?" he asked.

"No, nothing local...maybe you've heard of it? Called F.U.?" she replied cooly. He really was a piece of work, and not of the fine art variety, either. Spouting his lies, making her believe that he cared for her, had feelings for her. Making her believe that happily ever after was more than just a trite and cliched phrase.

She'd been such a fool. She wouldn't be again. He could find another to serve his banquet of lies to. Moving quickly away from him, she reached to open the door.

"Wait."

Her hand stilled, responding automatically to his voice and the pleading note embedded within it. Everything rational screamed at her to leave...but everything in her heart begged her to stay. Hopelessly torn, she dropped her hand away from the doorknob and stood on the threshhold, neither staying nor leaving.

Adrian crossed the room, and stood inches from her. He was close enough for her to feel the heat rolling off his body, to breathe in the heady scent that was uniquely him. Close enough for her to be afraid.

"Colleen, I'm sorry. I just...I didn't know any other way. When you refused to listen to me, I went to see Victoria", he explained. "It was her idea, the bachelorette auction."

So she'd been right. She made a mental note to devote some considerable time and effort in devising an appropriate pay-back. "I figured that. And Daniel? Did you go crying to him too?"

She wasn't sure what she hated more; the fact that he'd used her family and friends, or that they were willing accomplices. It didn't matter, she just wanted to get out of the room before Adrian's prescence caused her to do something she'd regret. "What do you think you'll accomplish by doing this?", she asked angrily. "Did you think I'd see this as some grand romantic gesture? Did you think I'd swoon and fall at your feet? What, Adrian, what ulterior motive do you have this time?" Because if history repeated itself, and it often did, then his motives were hardly pure.

"Nothing! My only motive is _you,_ Colleen, difficult as that is to believe", he said heatedly. He reached out to touch her face, and she hated herself for the split second of hesitation she showed before pulling away. Physical contact with Adrian right now- no, _ever_- was a bad idea She didn't fear his touch so much as her reaction to it. With it, he could excite her, soothe her, confuse her; in short, leave her vulnerable. He couldn't hide his disappointment and sighed, combing his fingers through hair that she knew was soft as silk. It was a gesture she'd come to recognize as supressed frustration.

"Okay...I was thinking for dinner, maybe you'd like to go to The House Of Blossoms?"

She closed her eyes. She didn't expect him to fight dirty, but hell, he'd done a lot of things she never would have expected. When the restaurant had first opened, she'd spent days dropping not so subtle hints about having dinner there. The food was rumoured to be outstanding and the atmosphere ethereal and intimate. She'd nearly resorted to begging. But they never did get the chance to go, because the reliquary fiasco had blown up in all their faces. And then afterwards...well, what was the point?

"I'll pick you up at eight then?", Adrian asked, but it was more a statement then a question. So he intended to go through with this charade.

"Fine", she replied curtly. She only prayed that by tommorow evening, she would have the strength not to kill him. Maybe she could do some medititation before hand. If he wanted to play with fire, she wasn't the one who'd be getting burned. Not this time.

"I'll be there", Adrian answered firmly. Turning around, she finally let her mask fall away, letting him bear witness to the pain that he'd caused. And the resolution.

"I know", she said softly. "But you should know something too- it won't change anything. Any of this. You might have been able to buy an evening of my company...but you'll never afford the price of my trust."

She didn't wait for his reply as she closed the door on Adrian. If only her heart could do the same.

* * *

He brought his hand up to the door in frustration, wanting nothing more than to throw it open and follow the woman fleeing from him. Resting his head against the polished wood, he knew it was futile. There was much more than a door keeping him from Colleen. Sighing, he looked around the room, and found an armchair to promptly collapse into, unaccustomed to fighting battles of the emotional kind.

"Don't tell me you actually thought that this would be easy?"

He looked up, mildly surprised to see the Armani clad soldier standing in the doorway. "I didn't see you during the auction. I was wondering when you'd show up."

"I'm sure my daughter was wondering the same thing". Crossing the room and seating himself in the armchair across from him, Brad Carlton studied him with a mixture of disdain and grim amusement.

Feeling he'd used up enough false bravado for one night, Adrian didn't reply. Instead, he thought of Colleen, and how the weeks apart had done nothing to diminish his feelings for her.

"I don't think you understand the precariousness of your situation, Adrian. I admit that I may have... miscalculated some things. But don't make the mistake of abusing my genorosity", the man said, warning clear in his voice.

"Perish the thought, Mr. Carlton", he replied.

"And you can spare me your rapier wit. I might've gone along with this fiasco after what you've told me, and because I do owe you a debt. But after tonite, you're on your own. My gratitude doesn't extend to letting you harass my daughter if she no longer wishes to see you."

"Fair enough." Brad Carlton wasn't the one he was concerned with anyway. He wasn't the one he had laid everything on the line for and was about to do so again. So deep in thought, he never noticed Brad leave, or the hours fly by as he sat thinking of a copper haired woman who'd become his muse, and how to convince her about...everything.

Her words came back to him then, echoing with undertones of hurt. _"You'll never afford the price of my trust."_ Maybe he couldn't...but perhaps he could barter.

* * *

Authors Note: By far, I think this is my favorite chapter to date. After completing the first draft, however, something about it plagued me...it was only after I took a break that I realized it was the ending- it didn't feel complete. So I added in the last bit with Adrian, and viola! Feed-back and or constructive criticism is always appreciated. 


	4. Chapter 4 On The Offensive

_Disclaimer: All characters are property of Y&R._

* * *

** "The Price Of Trust"**

Chapter 4- On The Offensive

* * *

The screaming had woken Colleen. Again. Drenched in sweat, she sat huddled in the center of her bed, knees drawn close to her chest. She'd been dreaming- no, remembering. Heart beat thundering wildly in her ears, she fought to escape the reamining tendrils of the nightmare. Her chest ached dully, and she realized she was holding her breath. Forcing out a shakey exhale, she listened intently for a moment, but all she heard was her own breath, ragged and uneven. No rushing footsteps in the hallway- that was a good sign. She must not have screamed this time. Exhausted, she allowed her head to drop onto her knees, grateful for even small favors. 

When her panic subsided to a dull buzz, she swung out of bed, toes feeling for slippers. Finding them, she crawled out of bed the silk robe she wrapped around her a poor defense against the chill the nightmares brought. Pausing in the darkened hallway to allow her eyes to adjust to their surroundings, she began moving silently down the stairs.

Entering the kitchen, she turned on the light above the stove, her nerves soothed by the dim radiance. In its glow, she pulled out a tea kettle and filled it with water. It felt good, temporarily pre-occupying her thoughts with the mundane task of fixing tea, and tried to ignore the way her hands shook.

For close to a month now, she'd been terrorized by her unconcious mind. It spun two varieties of dreams, and she hadn't decided yet which one she feared more. Her kidnapping was something she constantly fought to forget, but at night, when her defenses were down, she was helpless to stop from reliving it.

She'd left work at the athletic club early the night it had happened, a plan half-formed in her mind. Vicki and her father were holed up at the office, preoccupied with work other than the Grugeon for a change. A gallery showcasing a promising up-and-coming artist ensured that her grandmother was also out of the house, leaving the perfect oppoutunity. When Adrian had solved the inscription engraved on the reliquary, she couldn't help but feel hopeful. So many had suffered so much, even died, not for the piece itself, but the mystery that surrounded it. With Adrian's help, she'd hoped she would be able to put the secret to rest, and give her family peace.

Yet she knew her father's deep seeded sense of paranoia would never allow Adrian to know of the reliquary, let alone access to it, so she intended to do the next best thing. The plan had been simple. Her father had several safes scattered through out the house, one of them was bound to hold the Grugeon. She was sure that it was the the one in the study, hidden behind a framed movie poster of 'North By Northwest'. Once opened, she would take several photos of the reliquary with her digital camera to show Adrian. But she'd had no idea the danger that lurked inside the house.

They'd grabbed her immeadiately after she crossed the threshold, nearly suffocating her when one of them pressed a chloroform soaked cloth to her face. The next thing she remembered was waking up tied to a chair, coarse rope biting into her ankles and wrists. Terror was the thing she remembered most vividly, as she'd stared at the two men in black trench coats standing before her with an aura of violence. Although she was loathe to show her fear, she was unable to keep the tremor out of her voice when she asked what they wanted . The taller of the two had been the one to interrogate her, asking over and over, where the Grugeon was, where her family was hiding it. When his questions went unanswered, he'd abruptly changed tactics.

He had caressed her hair in mock gentleness, speaking softly, while the other watched with emotionless eyes. As if the scene before him was one he'd witnessed a hundred times. Even now, she found herself gagging at the memory. Whispering to her what a shame it was, such a sweet, stupid girl being caught up in all of this mess. How, if he couldn't have the Grugeon, maybe he could be satisfied with a souvenir. She started crying then, when he punctuated his words by dipping his fingers down her shirt, the cold leather of his gloves a shock to her heated flesh. But she didn't beg. Even when he'd told her, cold steel pressed against her temples, that she was 'collateral damage of little consequence', she refused to beg for her life. If Adrian hadn't shown up, if he had come only minutes later...

The irony was a bitter thing. No matter how improbable it seemed, at the time she couldn't help hoping that some how, some way, he would find a way to reach her. What they shared, it connected them, surely he would some how sense her distress. Any moment he would break down the door and rescue her. And he had. Except it wasn't some deep mystical connection that had led him to her, but a covert network of intelligence. And the man who had rescued her wasn't Professor Adrian Korbel, her lover, but Adrian Wulff, Israeli intelligence officer. She hadn't even known his real name!

She sighed. As much as she claimed to hate him, here at least, in the darkness and desolation in the hours before dawn, she could admit to herself that he had saved her life. Even if he destroyed everything between them to do so. Was that why he was back? Was that what he wanted? To give her the opportunity to profess her undying gratitude? While it was one thing to admit it to herself, hell would freeze over before she'd give him the satisfaction of hearing the words. He'd lied to her, played her as skillfully as a Stradivarius. She would never give him the opporutnity to betray her trust again.

Whistling, sharp and insistent, shook her back to the present. Taking the kettle off the stove, she poured the boiling water into a tea-cup, painted with delicate vines of ivy. She sighed, satisfied when her hands didn't shake when she set the cup on the saucer. Sometimes she would be awakened by tears, but more often than not, it was screams; sometimes ones from within the dream, other times her own. Whichever it turned out to be, she would seek refuge in the kitchen and comfort in a cup of hot tea. It had become an almost ritual, these past weeks. If only there was a brew for a broken heart, she mused.

For the other dreams were far worse, in their own way. Instead of assailants, dangerous and vengeful who brought her pain, she dreamt of a man, thoughtful and sweet, who brought her ecstasy. She'd been ashamed and confused the first time it had happened, awakening to find her body still spasming in response to her phantom lover. The feeling of sharp longing left her frustrated. And now that she had seen Adrian again, any hope she'd had of the dreams fading after time was impossible. It seemed a cruel cycle, to be visited in turns by pain and pleasure nightly. She closed her eyes. Either way, she knew she would find fresh tears on her cheeks in the morning.

Washing out her tea cup and utensils, she laid them out to dry and gazed out the kitchen window, realizing that the darkness had turned to grey. Morning would come soon, and she still had no idea how to handle Adrian. He was brilliant and ambitious, resourceful beyond belief and didn't hesitate taking risks as long as he believed they were necessary. And that was what terrified her...what did he believe was 'necessary' this time?

Angrily, she flung the dish-towel against the window, resentment welling up in her. Dammit, what game was he playing? She didn't believe that he was here solely for her best interests, out of...love, or whatever misguided emotion he wanted to call it. Not for a moment.

She hated this, the feeling of helplessness, but Adrian had a way of making her feel out of control. It was just all so frustrating, she shouldn't even be in this situation. She'd done the whole denial deal, then the hurt and anger...now was the time she should be healing, not having her emotional wounds ripped wide open. There had to be something she could do.

Climbing the stairs back to her room, she realized that she needed to consider things from Adrian's point of view. As much as she hated admitting it, was his game, his rules. So what she needed was to come up with a plan of her own. What she needed, she decided, was to go on the offensive.

* * *

"Not short enough...not tight enough...not enough cleavage...no, no no!" Tossing aside multiple lengths of cloth that looked suspiciously like dresses, she tried not to assault "Melody", the sales girl whose only job, it seemed, was to be utterly unhelpful. 

"Colleen calm down", Lily said. Turning to the abused salesclerk, "I'm sorry, along with her mind, my friend seems to have lost her manners", she said apologetically. The clerk nodded, wisely choosing to slink back into the depths of the sales racks from whence she came. As if she hadn't taken up enough time being perfectly useless, Colleen thought, throwing an armful of designer dresses over an already bursting sales rack.

"Apparently when Fenmore's claimed to have something for every occasion, making your ex-lover sorry he ever betrayed your trust wasn't included", she said, her voice a mixture of sarcasm and disgust. The boutique had only been open for twenty minutes that morning before Colleen had tried on, and dismissed, their entire line of evening wear, and verbally abused the naïve clerk in her frustration. The dresses were nice enough, but none of them worked for the purpose she had in mind. Which was, of course, to cause Adrian Korbel exquisite and endless torture.

After her nightmare last night, she'd laid awake for hours, sleep made an impossibility by thoughts of Adrian. Her mind had, without reason or consent, replayed every memory she had of him. Every moment they'd shared, every conversation they'd ever had. Every pleasureable touch, stolen look, whispered promise. And every tear she'd shed when he'd shattered her trust. And now, against her will, he was yet again attempting to insert himself into her life. Yet again claiming she was his only motive; a different rendition of a tune she'd heard once before and been foolish enough to believe. He really needed to come up with new material. But she knew he was determined to make her believe it, believe him. Fine. She was determined too. Which brought her back to her current quest.

"There's nothing here. I know, what about Lisette's? I heard some of the girls on campus say they have some really hot designs, let's try there!" She was already dragging Lily off towards the exit, trying desperately to remember the location of the new shop.

"Yeah, if you're a hooker, Colleen. So tell me again why you dragged me out of bed before the sun was up and my morning coffee, two things I know you're aware are hazardous to your health," Lily demanded once they'd left Fenmore's. Colleen knew the feeling. Typically she loathed any exposure to sunlight before nine a.m. without first fortifying herself with coffee, but desperate times called for desperate measures. In her mind, a morning without a Cafe Americano was a necessary sacrifice in her pusuit of vengence.

"I told you before, Lily, Adrian is taking me to the House Of Blossoms tonite, and I need your help finding the perfect dress."

"Ohhhh-kay...but you don't even want to see him. Why are you knocking yourself out to look good? Why do you even care? Am I missing something?"

"Because, Lily..." Why weren't her reasons obvious? How could she make her friend understand that this wasn't just about a dress, this was about taking back her pride, her self-confidence, two things she'd been in short supply of before Adrian had taken what little she'd had when he'd left. Whether he realized it or not, his actions had turned her sour, causing her to take up the mantle of dispenser of divine retribution for women, quite literally, screwed over by the male species. She'd have to remind him to add that last bit to his dubious resume.

"Look, can we continue this in the car?" She wanted to get to Lisette's, anxious to find the perfect weapon to add to her arsenal for tonite. A sigh of agreement was her answer, but Lily stopped her when she reached to turn the key in the ignition.

"Honey, I don't mean to sound like Victoria, God forbid...but you seriously have me worried. And not just today. I mean, probably from the moment you met Adrian. First I worried about you killing him because of his holier-than-though attitude, than it was because I thought he might be overworking you as his research assistant. But you know what, you suprised me, because not only did you take it in stride, you stood up to him. You didn't take any of his garbage."

It was true. Adrian had tested her limits, but instead of backing down, she'd gone toe-to-toe with him, and truthfully, she'd enjoyed every minute of it.

"And then you started crushing on him, and I got really worried, because I know you don't do anything by halves. When you love, you love completely, with everything in you. It's one of your greatest strengths...but also one of your weaknesses when it's abused by the wrong people."

"I already know that Lily! Why do you-"

"Just listen to me, let me finish Colleen," she insisted. "I saw the way he looked at you, it reminded me so much of my early days with Daniel. How we were forced to communicate everything with only a look, because everyone thought that we shouldn't be together. And I hated that, how people could look at the situation, at us, and just be judge and jury. But it was more than empathy, Colleen- when I looked at Adrian, I didn't just see your professor. I saw a man, desperately in love with the right woman at the wrong time."

She couldn't breathe, she needed to get out of the car. "Lily! He wasn't in love with me, don't you get it?! He was using me to get information on my family, about the Grugeon reliquary, just like everyone warned me! But did I listen? Hell no! Instead, I jump from the frying pan and into his bed. I mean, the way he waxed poetic about the perfection of my architecture should have been a red flag-"

"Wait, wait," Lily said, confused. "What about architecture?"

She sighed. "Never mind. I can't believe the way I acted...I mean, it was like being a love struck teenager all over again, only I was just as stupid. Why do I always have to fall for the guys with the secrets, why? Is there some cosmic newspaper that I've put a personals ad in? Single woman desires single man who's as complicated as a Rubik's cube, oh, and bonus if you're secretly investigating my family!"

Seriously, was her karma that bad, or was she just that stupid?

Silence was suffocating, and the sun beating down on the car was making her feel feverish. Rolling down her window, she gulped in the fresh air until she felt dizzy, and wished for the thousandth time that day that she was going to wake up. That it was all some whacked out dream. If the universe were truly kind, in fact, she'd discover that the last several years of her life in Genoa City was all a drug induced hallucination. That she'd never heard of GCU, Adrian Korbel, and espeically the Grugeon Reliquary. But then she'd never discover her grandmother, or a love for art, two things that were as much a part of her today as anything else. Things she would never, ever trade, even for a moment's worth of ignorance.

"Sweetie, I think you're being a little harsh on yourself. I mean, it takes two, you both made mistakes."

"Ha! Getting decaf instead of regular- that's a mistake. Sleeping with the woman who's not only your student but part of your mission...that's betrayal. I don't care what you want to call it, or what excuses you sugar coat it with, he lied to me Lily. I gave him my heart, my trust, and he broke both. And I'll be damned if retribution doesn't come in a sexy red strapless dress."

It was no use arguing, her mind was made up, and unfortunately for Adrian, forgiveness wouldn't be appearing on her to-do list any time in the next century, let alone tonite. Turning on the car, she pulled away from Fenmore's. Minutes passed in companionable silence, until Lily spoke.

"I just think that you're letting your anger cloud your judgement."

"As opposed to my raging hormones? I can't believe this! First Vicki, then Daniel...don't tell me you're taking Adrian's side! You can't, that like violates some kind of best friend code, or something."

"No! Colleen, you're my best friend, and I just want you to be happy. And I hate to admit it, but for awhile there, Adrian was doing a pretty good job, I mean, the way your face just lit up when you talked about him. It was like watching a little girl get the Malibu barbie she begged for all year."

"Adrian is hardly a Malibu barbie."

"Yeah. Adrian, I'm assuming, is anatomically correct."

" Try fabulously correct. God." She sighed The bedroom had been one of their greatest points of compatibility, and she had to admit that as her teacher, he'd taught her a few things besides medieval art. She had admitted to herself at the time, rather smugly, that being such a thourough and determined student definitely had it's own rewards.

"Soooo..." Lily said.

"So?

"So, does he have nice "accessories?"

"Lily!" Laughing uncontrollably at her friends moxie, she refused to comment. Best friends or not...there were just some things that were sacred. "Accessories" was one of them.

Colleen's mood was much improved when she returned home hours later. Getting out, shopping with Lily always lifted her spirits, and even under her current dire circumstances, she felt the stabilizing affects of retail therapy kicking in. The song that she'd been humming all the way up to her room turned into the sassy lyrics of "I'm Too Sexy" as she modeled her new dress. It was everything she had hoped for, with a side of va-voom added in. Strawberry red silk clung to her curves like a second skin, hugging her in all the right places. Initially, she had thought that strapless would be a prudent tactic. But the plunging neckline worked nicely, insinuating what one might find mere centimeters below the juncture of skin and silk. Standing in front of her full length mirror, she tried out some sultry poses.

"What was that Adrian? You're sorry...really, really sorry? You acted like an insensitive ass all this time? I'm sorry, I can't hear your groveling from over there- why don't you crawl over here?" It was nice to fantasize, to pretend that dinner would go that way. He would grovel, and she would listen dispassionately. And after he had espoused every apology known to neanderthal man, she would promptly tell him where to stick it, and spend the rest of the evening watching Grey's Anatomy on Tivo.

The clock proclaimed 5:47 p.m. Adrian wouldn't pick her up until 8:00 p.m., but if she wanted everything to be perfect, including her appearance, she needed to get ready now.

Shooting the mirror one last come-hither look, she walked to her vanity and prepared to apply the war-paint.

* * *

_Sorry about the wait, but this chapter was being quite the demanding creature in terms of re-writes. That, or I'm getting unbelievably picky. Lots of appreciation goes to my incredible beta team: Blair (Sweetcakes) and ArtHistoryLover. Special thanks also goes to gogogirl and ravenj84, for preliminary feed-back and encouragement, and to the readers who've stuck with me and my story. Bonus for those of you who get the irony behind the reference of "North By Northwest"-perhaps the writers were fans of the movie?_


	5. Chapter 5 If Wishes Were Horse

_Thanks to my beta team, Blair and ArtHistoryLover, as well as frommy6 and everyone who's taken the time to read and/or review. I really have mixed feelings about this chapter, so if you enjoyed it, please let me know. I think the hardest part was trying to convey the complexity of Colleen's feelings in a way that didn't become muddled. As usual, Colleen and Adrian are the property of Y&R._

* * *

**"The Price of Trust"**

Chapter 5-_ If Wishes Were Horses_

* * *

As it turned out, retribrution didn'tcome in a strapless, sexy red dress. Instead it came dressed in Armani, bearing flowers and wearing a confident grin; the kind that infuriated Colleen and made her pulse quicken, all at the same time. 

The doorbell had rung promptly at 8:00 p.m., and she told herself that the reason she didn't answer the door right away was really a ploy to annoy Adrian, and most definitely not due to a case of frazzled nerves. _Then why do I feel like I'm a death row prisoner, on the way to my last supper? _she thought, her hand hesitating on the doorknob. When she opened up the door, it was with all the excitement of someone meeting their executioner

"Colleen", Adrian said by way of greeting. The tone of his voice made her heart catch, and she tried to desperately

remember how to speak. When words failed to make themselves known, she finally gave up and motioned for him to come inside.

In the light of the living room, she examined him. Adrian wasn't a body-builder, but he had muscle definition. That much was apparent by the snug fit of his tailored suit. His dark hair was brushed back, and her fingers itched, recalling the sensation of running through it. She also took note of the stubble edging his face, and the intense look in his hazel eyes...eyes that could strip a person of all secrets while never betraying their own. He was everything a woman could dream of- everything she_ had_ dreamt of.

She shook her head. Now was not the time to be weak. Straightening, she silently cursed as her arches protested against the elevation provided by five inch stiletto heels. She'd been so eager to keep Adrian's advantages to a minimum, even if it was only height. It had seemed like a brilliant plan at the time.

Adrian's gaze slid over her, and she quickly leashed the urge to fidget. The way he looked at her wasn't so much appreciative as it was posessive, and she could almost feel him branding her with his eyes. When they reached her own, he held out the flowers. "These, ah, they're for you." For a moment she wondered at the note in his voice. Was it uncertainty? She tried curb the urge to celebrate.

Instead she took the flowers, infinitely careful not to touch his hands during the exchange.

"Flowers. How...quaint."

Rocking back on his heels, Adrian simply pursed his lips. Not the reaction she was hoping for. She tried again.

"They're not poisonous, are they?"

"Ah, no." His lips quirked up in perfect unison with his brow, a silent inquiry as to the game she was playing. "Actually," he continued, "they're a strain of _'lewisia cotyledon'_, called 'Praline'."

Colleen regarded the riot of fuschia briefly before tossing the bouquet onto the couch.

"Couldn't resist playing the professor, could you?" she asked softly. Looking away, she strode past Adrian and out the door. When he didn't follow, she looked back. His gaze was rooted to the splash of color against the sofa.

"The maid will take care of them", she said dispassionately. "And make sure the door shuts behind you."

* * *

Colleen didn't speak Japanese. Spanish, a little French, but that was about the extent of her linguistic prowess. But the not everyone had been afforded intelligence training, she thought sourly, watching as Adrian conversed freely with the maitre d'. Catching her eye, he smiled and said something she didn't understand. The maitre d' did, however, and nodded enthusiastically. 

"Hai, hai", he replied excitedly, and motioned for them to follow.

"What did you say to him?" she asked suspiciously.

"He inquired as to our reservations, and I merely informed him."

She didn't say anything more, too engrossed in the sights and smells surrounding her. The atmosphere was welcoming and somewhat ethereal; they passed by several tables, patrons languidly lounging on traditional tatami mats, softly laughing over a bottle of saki. Inhaling deeply, she was enveloped by the scent of spices co-mingling with that of the fresh flowers that seemed to be everywhere. In the center of the room was a woman, robed in a white and red kimono, expertly coaxing melodious chords from a mandolin. Without realizing it, Colleen began to relax, until she found herself coming to a halt before a pair of massive, gilded doors.

Their host drew them open, then turned to them and bowed deeply.

"Welcome to the House of Blossoms."

Hesitantly, she stepped into the room, and abruptly stopped. While what she had seen of the restaurant had definitely been beautiful, it was nothing compared to the sensual seduction of the senses she found herself in now. She felt her jaw drop, but she couldn't help but gape; she'd never seen anything quite like it before.

Adrian's voice whispered near her ear, startling her from her momentary wonder. "I take it you find this to be acceptable."

"Don't get cocky", she said swinging around, bristling at the hint of smugness in his voice. But the way her lips turned up was impossible to hide. There was a table set for two, and on either side were trees, limbs heavy with sakura blossoms. Were they real? They looked like they were. Her eyes sought out the sound of water to find a waterfall carved into the back of the wall. She tried to control her steps, to keep her pace from giving away her eagerness. Standing in front of it, she watched as water cascaded down, gathering into a pristine crystal pool. As she watched, white and gold fish darted beneathe the surface. _Koi_, she thought, delighted. Putting her fingers into the pool, she laughed as they nibbled at them.

"A sound sweeter than the song of sirens," Adrian said, and she thought he sounded just a bit wistful. "I was beginning to wonder if you rembered how to laugh."

Turning away from the waterfall, she glanced back to see Adrian standing beside the low table. He knealt down, motioning her toward the place across from him. She took it reluctantly, but with all the regality of an empress holding court with one of her vassals. For a moment, the only sound in the room was flowing water.

"Red always looked good on you", Adrian said. "Any color, actually. But I always thought that red in particular, somehow expressed your personality perfectly. In that dress, you look exquisite."

She tried not to blush and give him another reason to compliment her. "Thanks. I had to settle for silk, though; the boutique was all out of kevlar."

He laughed suddenly, an expression of outright amusement. Then he paused and regarded her seriously. "You wouldn't have needed it anyway. You're safe with me." His voice was soft, and he reached across the table to stroke her hand. She pulled back, as if burned. When she looked into his eyes, she could see emotions carefully, but tenuously, leashed. It frightened her. For several minutes they ate in silence.

"So do secret agents make good money?"

"Excuse me?"

"It's just that you're wearing Armani, so I'm assuming intelligence officers are one of the more well paid goverment employees. Besides postal workers, of course," she said, plucking a particularly appetizing morsel off of Adrian's plate.

"Actually, our annual income is probably comparable to that of, oh I don't know- a college professor, maybe." Adrian flashed a grin and leaned towards her conspiratorially. "If you must know, I hawked my super decoder ring to pay for the suit." She bit down hard on her lip in an attempt to censor her impending laughter.

It was so easy to fall back into the verbal sparring that regularly had punctuated their conversations. And very, _very _dangerous. She'd have to be on her guard. She began systematically dissecting the dish in front of her, praying that if she kept eating, she wouldn't have to talk.

"I wasn't sure you'd actually come with me willingly, " Adrian said abruptly. She mentally counted to ten and brought her eyes up to meet his. She was caught off guard when she did; he was giving her one of his smiles, the type meant to disarm. The one that had the corners of his eyes crinkling in suppressed mirth. She shook her head in an attempt to break free of the familliarity she could feel herself slowly sinking into. She had to stop this madness. What the hell had happened to her plan? Torture, revenge, right? Right.

"Believe me, my being here has nothing to do with you. Or my 'willingness'." She mentally palmed her face. Was that even a word? Subtlety required patience she just didn't posess when it came to Adrian. Instead she tried a more direct approach. "I already begged, bribed and pleaded with Victoria to get me out of this dinner date, and maybe if she wasn't already an heiress, I would've had more leverage. But wishes aren't horses, which is precisely the reason I haven't ridden out of here already."

He was silent for a moment, and his eyes darkened with an unnamed emotion.

"You're not going to make this easy, are you?", Adrian asked sadly, and the raw emotion embedded in his voice was like a blow-horn, sending her defenses crumbling around her like the walls of Jericho.

"What do you want from me?", she asked desperately.

"A chance, that's all I'm asking for. A chance to explain my motives, my actions...to prove that my feelings for you were never false", he said fiercely.

"And let you hurt me all over again? You talk about trust, when all along, you were working for Israeli intelligence! You could have told me at anyti-"

"You know that wasn't possible. Let me ask you a question...why didn't you tell me about your family's involvement with the Grugeon?"

The question caught her by surprise, and she took a moment to think. "Well...there was my family...they didn't want anyone to know. My father thought is was the best way to protect all of us. And...I didn't want to get you involved."

"Why?" he asked softly.

"Because- I didn't want you to get hurt", and as she said the words, realization dawned on her.

"Exactly", Adrian said triumphantly. "You didn't tell me, not because you didn't trust me, but because you wanted to protect me. As I did you. Our reactions might've been different, but the motivation exactly the same. To protect the ones we love."

"It's a completely differnt situation! I was a direct connection to the art you were looking for, wasn't I? You probably knew who I was from the beginning, and you _lied _ to me from the begin-"

"Not about my feelings!" he insisted. "You need to stop running, Colleen. From me, and from the truth", he said firmly.

"Wait, wait, I am _not _run-"

"Dammit, then why are you playing these games?" His oath and anger stunned her into silence. Oh this was rich, acting like he was the injured party with the grievance. There was no way she was going to put up with this farce any longer, and she stood up with every intention of storming out. But Adrian was faster, and he caught her by the wrist. They faced each other, and she had to resist the urge not to beat at his chest like some helpless female. Except she was female...and rather helpless at the moment.

The realization terrified her.

"Look, I get that you're angry, that you feel that I've betrayed you. I get it. And I'll be the first person to admit that you sure as hell have every justification in feeling that way. But what good will it do, punishing me?"

He loosened his grip on her wrist, and for a moment, she considered his question. Maybe it wasn't logical, this desire to hurt him. Her heart had always been her compass, and now that it was broken she had no direction. All she knew is that she was hurting, and she hated it.

"Maybe nothing", she admitted softly. "You want me to forgive you. But I _can't_. Adrian, secrets don't just go away! Just like people who keep secrets don't stop keeping them. I could let you explain, but how can I be sure what you tell me is the truth? This isn't about forgiveness. It's about trust." Why couldn't he see that?

But then he nodded, as if he did, and stepped away from her. He stood beneath one of the trees, and she watched, mesmerized, a few petals float down to rest in his hair- it seemed even the trees pitied him. For a moment, he remained silent and motionless- a statue here in their secret garden.

Then he turned around, and she saw the determination in his stance. "Then give me a chance to earn it. That night, after the auction...you told me I'd never be able to afford the price of your trust. And you're absolutely right, Colleen, I can't. Because there are just some things that you can't assign value to. But what if I could give you something else, something that's also invaluable? A trade-off of sorts. And if you take it...I give you my word you won't have to see me ever again. If that's what you want." The last sentence he said, as if it pained him to even consider the possibility.

She'd carefully considered all the things he might say to her, all his excuses, and formulated a response for each possibility...but this? This was unexpected. She hated not having an immeadiate answer.

"What could you possibly offer?"

Reaching into his jacket, he procured...something. He took a few steps towards her, and she saw that he held a small silver key. She watched as it glittered in the candlelight and tried not to scoff.

"A key? Are you serious? That's supposed to be invaluable?"

Adrian shook his head. "Not so much the key itself, but rather what it unlocks."

"And what would that be?"

"The truth", he said cryptically.

It was a good thing she hadn't been eating, or she might've choked on her disbelief. He couldn't possibly be serious. It had to be another one of his games.

"Keep it", she said cooly. "It won't change anything."

"The truth changes everything, Colleen. _Everything_." He sounded so sure of his words, so certain, that had he been anyone else, she would've believed him. Part of her wanted to. But she couldn't risk it.

Adrian stepped closer to her, but she refused to give him any ground,physical or emotional.

"You know, I thought that if I gave you time, space- I just thought that leaving for a couple weeks would be in everyone's best interests. But I always intended to come back. Because there are things I have here that aren't anywhere else on earth. Location dosn't give you're life meaning- people do. You do." His eyes begged her to believe him. "Breaking my heart won't make yours whole again. No amount of pain you inflict on me, or anyone else, will change that."

"Shut up! Just shut up!" She wanted to cover her ears, to scream. He was still a master at pulling her emotional strings. God, why couldn't he just shut_ up_?! He grabbed her shoulders and brought his face close to hers, and she wished the room were darker so he wouldn't see the tears in her eyes.

"Colleen, do you think people with broken hearts just stop living? Is that what you want me to do? Because I won't. I am here, fighting for you, for us! But you refuse to let me." He pushed aside a lock of her hair, and when he looked at her, it was with such a storm of emotions she thought she might get swept away. He took her hand, and pressed the key into her palm. Without thinking, she took it, clutching to it like as if it were a life-line. Maybe it was.

"I'm only human, and I can only give you so much. My promises, my devotion, my love...none of it is enough for you. So this is all I have left to give. You might as well take it- you already have everything else." The soft intensity of his voice, the tenderness, undid her completely. She wiped away the tears she swore she wouldn't show, a silent admission to the emotional hell she felt herself twisting in.

"I'm sorry", he whispered, and she could hear the weariness in his voice. He brushed her cheek with the back of his hand, and her eyes fluttered shut. His touch was so gentle; maybe she'd just imagined it. "It seems all I've ever brought you are tears." He ran his hand down her arm, fitting their hands together like two pieces of a puzzle as she allowed herself to be led back to the table, feeling much like a lost and frightened child.

The rest of dinner was held in somber silence, punctuated only by Adrian's awkward attempts to draw her into converstation. She heard him mention he was staying at the Towers Hotel, but not much after that. Instead, she busied herself by building tiny towers out of her plate of sesame chicken, too upset to eat anything. Their anger and sadness had tainted what had been a garden of tranquility, and that sat in silence, each warrior fatigued and nursing their wounds. She should have taken comfort in the fact that, while she hadn't won, neither had Adrian.

Instead all she could think of was a small, silver key.

* * *

_This story was first posted, as well as future chapters, at a Cadrian (Colleen+Adrian) message board. If you'd like further information, feel free to e-mail me. _


	6. Chapter 6 Unlocking The Truth

_Special thanks to my beta, Blair, as well as joliepinkyswear, zippy, EmpressOperaDiva and ravenj 64 for pre-post feedback. And to all my readers- thank you for your support, you guys are awesome! As always, the characters of Colleen and Adrian are the property of Y&R._

* * *

**"The Price Of Trust"**

_Chapter 6- Unlocking The Truth_

* * *

The chill water was a soothing balm to her battle weary emotions. She held a damp washcloth to her face, and closed her eyes. She'd said nothing to Adrian during the drive home. What could she say? Her mind had been reeling with a thousand different thoughts; it still was. Scrubbing off the make-up, she looked into the mirror. The warrior was gone, and a mere woman stood it's place. She let out a shaky exhale. Tea and aspirin wouldn't cure things, but it'd be a good start. And maybe a Valium. She'd have to raid Victoria's medicine cabinet for that one. 

She slowly peeled off her dress, absently watching the silk sheathe form a crimson pool around her feet. It was supposed to be her weapon, her tool of vengeance. But then Adrian was never supposed to come back. Her kidnapping, her family being terrorized for the information on the Grugeon, her heart being broken...so many things that never should have happened already had. Things she couldn't change.

Pulling on a pair of comfortably worn pajamas, she bit back tears of frustration and fatigue. All she wanted was sleep, but her face-off with Adrian had pumped her system full of adrenaline. Rest wasn't what she needed anyway. It was only a temporary reprieve. The broken heart, the sea of emotions that she found herself drowning in would still be there in the morning.

And she was already so tired.

But if Adrian had been telling the truth...then it was over. She wouldn't have to fight any more, right? He would leave her alone, he promised, never contact her again, never try to win her back. He would let her go. And all she had to do was take a key.

She pulled it out of her purse, examining it. This was it...this was the price of her freedom. Could it really come so cheaply? Adrian had claimed it unlocked the truth; to her, it was the key to the chains of her emotional bondage. She turned it over. In the muted light of the bathroom, she could read the words "_Genoa City Financial_", as well as a number- _55_. She hadn't promised she would use it; she could throw it away, bury it in the garden...hell, she might as well flush it down the toilet for all she cared. Because she didn't care.

Did she?

When would she stop being a magnet for secrets? They were poison, an acid eating away at the soul of the one who held to them. She'd seen too many lives destroyed by them. But as she clutched the tiny key in her hand, she couldn't help but think:

Maybe there were some secrets best left buried.

* * *

"May I help you with something, miss?" 

Colleen was in the lobby of Genoa City Financial, and she turned to look at the man who'd spoken to her.

"Yes...I...have a safety deposit box here." She rummaged through her purse and pulled the key out, presenting it to the clerk. "Box 55."

The clerk took it, peering at it over the wire rims of his glasses.

"Mmmm, so it appears." He handed her back the key. "Very well, this way, Ms.- sorry, what did you say your name was again?"

"I didn't." She folded her arms over her chest. The fewer people that knew who she was and what she was doing at the bank, the better. "Lead the way."

Shooting Colleen a put-upon look, the clerk motioned for her to follow him.

She was impressed with herself. Considering her passionate dislike of secrets, she'd managed to hold out a whole four days before her curiosity got the better of her. Four tedious, restless, migraine inducing days of playing should-I-shouldn't-I. Today, after scraping out the bottom of a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and finding no revelations there, she finally made up her mind to go to the bank and open the damn box. Otherwise, she knew it would hang over her like a bad haunting for the rest of her life.

They reached the end of the corridor and she stepped into an elevator with her escort. He impatiently hit the button for the floor labeled B1 until the doors finally closed. When they opened again, she followed him out and stood in front of a large vault. The door was open, but an armed security officer stood outside of it. He didn't even bother to give her a glance. Between the bank clerk and the guard, she could see why the Newman's and Abbotts chose to deal with the Swiss- Genoa City Financial could definitely stand to learn something about bank customer service.

"As you can see, this is the safety deposit vault", the clerk said dryly, waving his hand to indicate the circular room, the walls filled from floor to ceiling with small doors. "To your right are boxes numbers one through two fifty- you should be able to find yours there. If you need further assistance, or when you're ready to leave, tell the officer outside. Good-day, madam."

Once the curt man was gone, the dread that had been a dull weight in her stomach began to acutely ache. She closed her eyes, trying to slow down the hammering of her heart. _Breathing...you can do that_, she thought. She would not let her fear take over- she refused to run away from whatever lay lurking within the box.

Maybe Adrian had been over dramatic- maybe she would open the safety deposit box to find something perfectly innocent, like...like a baseball card collection. Maybe _that_ was the truth Adrian had wanted so desperately to explain to her- he was a baseball junkie. Even porn was permissible at this point.

That's when she realized just how much she wanted to be wrong. She wanted to open that box, and not find further proof of a betrayal that consumed a little more of her every day. But there was only one way to know for sure.

She stepped closer to the wall, close enough to read the numbers, and began looking for #55. When she found it, she paused for a heartbeat, the internal debate still raging within her. Curiosity won out, and she inserted the key, her hands shaking. The soft click told her the key had done its job, and she slowly opened the door, not sure what to expect.

When she peered inside, it was to see a plain, gun metal grey box.

Adrian was a secret agent, no matter _how _ politically correct you wanted to be about it- so she felt justified in expecting the unexpected. Tear gas, self destruct mechanisms, poisonous cobras...she didn't think it looked booby-trapped, though, and the knowledge soothed her somewhat. Drawing on the last dregs of her courage, she reached inside and withdrew the box. The metal was cool to her touch, and the surface unmarred...a secret, perfectly preserved.

Whatever was inside wasn't heavy, and she was able to carry the box to one of several partitioned counters off to the side. Setting it down, she regarded it with a mixture of fear and morbid curiosity. _This is stupid_, she thought, disgusted with herself for being so nervous. It was just a stupid box, containing more of Adrian's stupid lies. Nothing more, nothing less- and definitely nothing that would change her mind.

With that thought firmly in her mind, she ignored the hammering of her heart and lifted the lid.

The first thing that caught her eye was a plain white envelope, with her name scrawled across the front. It was Adrian's handwriting, she would know it anywhere. Gingerly, she picked up the envelope, considering it. She set it on the counter to come back to later. Right now she wanted to see what things Adrian had deemed important enough to hide away in a Genoa City vault- what he had hidden from her.

It only took a few moments to empty the box. When she was done, lined before her were its contents- a faded birth certificate, several diplomas, photographs, sketches...she picked up the birth certificate, stroking the tiny finger and footprints on it. The name on piece of paper told her they were Adrian's, and she smiled, thinking of him as a newborn. Could he really have been so tiny? Was he fussy as a baby, what had his first word been, his first smile?

Sadness and regret washed over her unexpectedly, and she clutched the certificate to her chest. There was so much about Adrian she didn't know, so much of his life she had missed- she had no idea of who he'd been before she'd met him. She hated that he'd lived a life she knew nothing about- that she hadn't been a part of. How could she ever get past that? She wasn't sure she even could. Putting down the certificate, she picked up the small stack of photos.

They were faded, but appeared to be relatively untouched...as if the memory they had preserved was too precious to risk marring with a human touch. When was the last time they'd seen the light of day? How long had the photos, and those inside them, been locked away? She flipped through them carefully. Several of them contained a beautiful woman that looked to be in her late thirties. Her dark hair fell in wild waves, hugging her face and sweeping over her shoulders. She had the kind of face that was open and welcoming, and utterly impossible to hide emotions behind. When she looked closely, she could see she had Adrian's eyes...or more likely, Adrian had hers.

In the first photo, the woman was cradling a dark-haired baby- Adrian? Laughter bubbled over as she took in the wispy tufts of hair and squinting eyes- he _had _been tiny! The second and third were more baby photos, but the next couple were of what she could only assume was Adrian as a young boy of about five or six. Impossibly gangly, with his hair in angry cow-licks shooting off in every direction, he was the endearing picture of youth. She shook her head in amazement- she never would have believed that the handsome and confident man she had fallen in love with had ever been such an awkward child. The fact was comforting to her- it somehow made Adrian seem so much more human and...vulnerable.

She couldn't help wondering though, where the people in the photos were now, what had become of them? His mother, his father, his family- were they still alive? Did they know their son risked his life working as an Israeli Intelligence Officer? For a fleeting moment, she also wondered what they would think of her. Would they welcome her into the family, or be disapproving? Then she remembered the events of the past few weeks, and realized it didn't even matter. She placed the photos back inside the box, trying to swallow the bitterness in her mouth.

She picked up the sketches next, and found herself staring into her own eyes. Adrian had sketched her once, she remembered, but she'd never considered that he'd done so on multiple occasions. Looking through them, she saw that they were charcoal sketches, but all of them of her. Touching one reverently, she marveled at his artistic skill, and she realized that he was more than an art professor- he was an artist too. And a very talented one if the sketches were any indication.

There was one of her wearing a sundress, her hair sweeping in the direction of an invisible breeze; one of her bent over a book, one hand absently twirling a strand of hair. She was startled when she came across one in particular. Adrian had to have sketched it while she was sleeping. In it, she was curled on her side, her naked body barely covered by bed sheets. Her heart caught in her throat, thinking of him studying her in slumber, labor to recreate every part of her with every motion of the pencil.

Still, her favorite piece was a page containing several smaller portraits of her, each one with displaying a different emotion. She laughed, thinking that he'd captured her look of annoyance perfectly. But then she'd shown him an awful lot of it.

She sighed. She'd had no idea about the sketches...about any of this. But that Adrian was a master at keeping secrets- that she was reminded of daily. Straightening up, she began carefully packing the contents back into the box, when her eyes caught on the letter she had first set aside. For a moment, she looked at it, willing to know if she should open it up or pack it away with the rest of the contents, condemned to be forgotten. Picking it up, she tore it open. While what you didn't know couldn't hurt you, she knew first hand that it sure as hell could drive you crazy.

Inside was a slip of paper, and she unfolded it, her eyes widening as she saw when it was dated- _February 11th. _Her fingers tightened on the letter as she began reading:

**_My dear Colleen,_**

**_I write this with the knowledge that you will never see this letter. But I write it anyway, not for you, but myself. I am consumed by thoughts of you throughout the day, and dreams of you when Morpheus comes to claim me. You are my first thought when I awaken and the last when I fall asleep, and the one I reach for, half-asleep, wishing you were there before I realize that you're not. There is an illness in my soul, the kind caused by secrets kept too long, and only truth can cure._**

**_I'm hardly a sentimental man, Colleen, but I find my eyes catching on February 14th every time I look at the calendar. Valentines' Day- a day devoted to commercialized feelings and sentiments, of mass marketing and tooth decay. Before I came to America, I'd never even heard of the holiday, and once I had, found no reason to celebrate it. I am a man existing within society, but apart from it. My profession dictates that it is so, as I knew it would be from the moment I became an intelligence officer. An intelligence officer- another secret I must keep from you. There are so many already._**

**_That is partly why I'm writing this letter- to unburden my soul of all the secrets it has kept and is still keeping. If you knew all the times I wanted to just blurt out the truth... About my past, who I am, but mostly, how I feel about you. You...you are the ray of light that touches my darkened soul...the aria of happiness that soothes my jaded heart...the vision of beauty that comforts eyes that have seen too much. I never knew one person could become everything to me._**

**_When I'm with you, I'm no longer Adrian Wulff, intelligence officer, but Professor Adrian Korbel. The man you tease, the man you give your brilliant smile to, the man you give your trust, your confidence, your affection to. The man you trust yourself to, body and soul- and maybe I wish for too much, but perhaps your love as well. I want to be that man, Colleen, with every fiber of my being. I have never made excuses for who I am or what I do, but I am sorry that I won't ever be the man you believe me to be._**

**_Is it insane to be jealous of a person who doesn't even exist, except in theory? But I can't help it- every time you smile, every time you kiss me and make love with me, it's not me- it's Adrian Korbel. And I wonder- what it would be like, just once, to make sweet love to you, to claim you, as Adrian Wulff? But I fear you would abhor his very touch, steeped as he is in lies and tainted with deceit._**

**_So on February 14th, I will give you a book of poetry from Adrian Korbel, and let the poet speak all the words I long to say to you. I will not tell you I love you, I will not give you promises painted on butterfly wings. Instead, I will say it here, in this letter. And when I am done, I will lock it away, along with the truth you will never hear and the real gift I wanted to give to you. _**

**_I love you, Colleen. Valentine's Day is a day for fools, and I am a fool-_**

**_Y_our_ fool,_**

**_Adrian Wulff_**

She didn't realize she was crying until several tears fell onto the paper, smudging the ink. Damn the letter, damn the truth, and damn Adrian Korbel...Wulff... whoever the hell he was. Brushing aside bitter tears as she finished reading the last of the letter, she took it and angrily stuffed it back into its envelope. In her fervor, something slipped out and fell to the floor, _pinging_ against the tiles. She bent down to pick the small up the small object.

Holding it up to the light, she braced herself against the counter as she finally realized what it was- an engagement ring.

* * *

_Author's Note: I__ vascillated with myself, trying to decide what item Colleen would find in the box that Adrian had intended to give her; orgionally it was a necklace, than it was his mother's hair pin, and here, as you can see, it became an engagement ring. Oh well, just goes to show you that sometimes, even the writer isn't sure what direction the story will take. _


	7. Chapter 7 Aged Gold

**The Price Of Trust **

_Chapter 7- Aged Gold_  
by Andrea/azurewings

* * *

_Disclaimer: All characters are property of The Young & The Restless. _

* * *

Colleen was speechless as she studied the ring. An _engagement _ring- a ring given to a woman from a man, to symbolize his intention to marry her. Damn it, she _knew_ what it was, but what she wanted to know was what hell was it doing locked away in this vault, inside- 

_The letter…_She grabbed it, unfolding it and scanning Adrian's words again until she found the line she was looking for:

"…_I will lock it away, along with the truth you will never hear and the real gift I wanted to give to you." _

The letter proved what she dared not believe- Adrian had wanted to give her the ring on Valentine's Day. The realization left her reeling. When she had been with him, she had always wanted to believe that Adrian cared about her. She thought that if he didn't love her, at least they shared a deep and undeniable connection, and maybe it wasn't love for him, but it felt so close that at times her heart believed it was.

But the letter and the ring…..She suddenly realized that although Adrian had lied to her, he had been honest about the things that really mattered. Wiping the tears away from her face, she laughed, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from her heart. Adrian had loved her all along, enough to want to marry her! Then a terrible thought entered her mind, shattering her bubble of giddy happiness.

Did he still want to marry her?

Her fear overrode any answer but an affirmative. Of course he did! Why else would he have come back? Why else would he have given her the key if he didn't want her to find the letter, to find the ring?

Grabbing both items, she slammed the box shut and returned it to the vault, locking it. Pocketing the key, she strode out of the vault and back to the elevator. After pushing the button only about twenty times, it finally arrived, and the ride back to the lobby seemed to take an eternity she didn't have. She practically sprinted to her car the moment the elevator doors opened.

As she started the engine, she begged her mind to recall the conversation she'd had with Adrian at the House of Blossoms. He'd mentioned he'd be in town for awhile yet, that he'd be staying- damn it, where did he said he was staying?!

Frantically, her mind began formulating, then discarding, possibilities. Maybe she could find a phone-book and look under hotels. Maybe scanning the names would jog her memory. She banged her head against the steering wheel. Maybe she was a bigger fool than she ever imagined.

Then she bolted upright. The self-flagellation seemed to knock something loose- she suddenly remembered where Adrian was staying.

Standing outside door #112, Colleen tried to quell the butterflies doing loop-de-loops in her stomach. She was at the Towers Hotel, and she knew that somewhere, behind the door, was Adrian. Korbel, Wulff, did it really matter what his name was? Did it really matter if he was an art professor or an intelligence officer? She'd spent weeks convinced that it did, and it'd taken a letter and a ring to make her realize that it didn't.

Before her rational mind could protest, she knocked on the door. Seconds later, it flew open, and she was standing face to face with Adrian. The surprise was clear on his face, but then it wore off, leaving him with a perfect poker face. She broke the silence first.

"Can I come in?" she asked softly.

For a moment that seemed to stretch on forever, Adrian just stared at her, saying nothing. But then he opened the door and stepped aside. Before he could change his mind, she quickly crossed the threshold and into his hotel room. When he closed the door, her heart began hammering, and all the things she'd planned to say now seemed so….inadequate.

And then she saw the suitcases by the door.

The sight had her heart in her throat, and she tried to keep her tone even and calm.

"Oh, more luggage? Did it arrive today? I swear', she said laughing nervously,' you pack like a girl. No offense, but-"

"It's not arriving. It's leaving."

The way he said it was so matter-of-fact, so clinical, it blind-sided her. But she'd come too far- they'd come too far- for her to give up hope now.

"Oh. So you finally got an apartment?"

"Colleen-"

"That's good, I mean, a man can't live by food service alone and-

"Colleen-"

"I know you're probably wondering why I keep talking, why I can't seem to shut up, but the truth is if I stop talking, there's going to be silence, and if there's that then you'll use it to tell me you're leaving, and if you tell me you're leaving-" She stopped abruptly, her voice catching.

"I think my heart will break all over again."

She wasn't even aware of the tears clouding her vision, or of him moving, but she found herself enveloped in his arms, her face pressed into his neck. Closing her eyes, it took all her strength not to simply go limp in his arms. Despite her body's aching protest, she pulled away, knowing she needed a clear head to say what she needed to say. And the feel of his body and his teasing scent wasn't helping.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to lose it like that. It's just, I came here with about a million things I wanted to say to you, and I can't remember a single one of them. And the idea of you leaving after everything is just…."

Her emotions were becoming too much and choking her up. Turning away, she tried to swallow the bitter irony.

"It never occurred to me that I might be too late."

"For what, Colleen?"

"For us."

Adrian was silent, and she assumed he was agreeing with her. Was this it, the way it finally ended? She shouldn't have come- God, she was such a fool! She gasped on her anguish, trying to breathe. Never had she dreamt it possible for her heart to break into even smaller pieces.

"I- I need to go", she mumbled, trying to reach for the door.

"Don't!" Adrian grabbed her wrist, and she shivered at the contact. "Please, talk to me…", he pleaded softly, his eyes begging her to stay. "For now, forget about the luggage, forget about your assumptions, forget about what it looks like, and tell me what you're doing here, okay?"

"So you aren't leaving?" she asked hopefully.

Adrian sighed, and dragged his fingers through his hair. is it complicated! You're either leaving or you aren't!" She found her despair turning to burning anger.

"I am leaving…or rather, I was. I thought about things, and I realized I made a huge mistake coming back. I had no right to come back and force my way into your life again. No right to ever expect you to forgive me. I never had any right to you, period."

"I know", she said and held up the letter in explanation.

His features became guarded, taking on a look of understanding.

"So you used the key. I had no way of knowing. To be honest, I don't know what scared me more; the thought that you threw the key away, or used it, and it still didn't change anything. Either way, I thought it best to cut my losses. Even a fool has to learn sometime, right?"

She was used to him being so sure, so confident, that she had no clue what to say when she heard the self-loathing in his voice. Sweeping her hand out in front of her, she gestured towards the suitcases.

"So that's what the luggage is for?"

He nodded.

"I wasn't expecting you to wait for me…." she said. "I just thought you intended to stay in Genoa City. What changed? Is it…another mission?"

That had to be it. The powers that be had told him to jump, and like a good soldier, he'd asked how high, and now he was off to God who knew where to do who knew what. She'd never even considered him having to go off on another mission. The thought made her sick to her stomach.

"No, no mission. Not now, not ever."

The relief at his words was instant and gratifying, and then the larger meaning of them began to sink in. She searched his face, looking for confirmation of what she barely dared to hope.

"When I left weeks ago, it was partly to report to my superiors about what had happened. That only took a day. The rest of the time was spent convincing them to accept my resignation. After that, it was simply a matter of selling the small apartment I kept while I was there and obtaining a permanent visa from a friend who owed me a favor. Several favors, but then I try not to keep count", he laughed softly.

She could scarcely breathe, afraid she'd misheard him, or misunderstood his words. Did he mean…Her disbelief must have shown on her face because in the next moment he spoke.

"I'm not an intelligence officer anymore."

She hadn't misunderstood. "But…"

"Why? You really don't know? You mean to tell me that after everything- the auction, the letter, the-" He paused, and she discreetly caressed the ring in her pocket, wondering if he realized she had it.

"What does it matter. If it isn't glaringly obvious by now that my only motivation is you, it never will be. Unrequited love is a heavy burden, Colleen, and I'm tired. So…unless you're here to help me with my luggage, you should probably leave." He turned his back on her and she fought the urge not to club him over the head with her purse.

"You pompous ass! I'm not here to help you pack, I came here for you! Because despite my best intentions, I used the key. I found your 'truth' - the photos, the letter, the ring-"

At the mention of the ring, his eyes snapped back to hers, and she felt the deep scrutiny of his gaze. Well, the cat was out of the bag now. Wasn't that why she was here on the first place, to call him on it? She withdrew the ring from her pocket and clutched it to her chest.

"After I read the letter….I was still angry. Actually, even more angry if you can believe it. So I was throwing everything back into the deposit box, ready to just lock it all away- and then, and the ring fell out. Believe me, it took a few minutes for me to pick my jaw up off the ground. But looking at the ring….I don't know, I could just feel something in me thawing. Because as much as I believed that you'd lied to me, I knew that you hadn't lied about your feelings for me."

He smiled gently and she felt her heart turn over.

"To be honest, Adrian, before now I don't think I was ready to hear the truth. I thought trusting you had been a huge mistake, and I couldn't stand the idea of having made another one. But then I realized the real mistake would be not coming here, and telling you that I'm still in love with you. Damn you, but I am!"

Saying it out loud wasn't the catastrophe she thought it would be. There was no earthquake or lightening bolts streaking the sky. Instead, she felt weightless and a wave of peace wash over her. It wasn't the truth that had hurt so much, she realized, but the denial of it. And in that moment of unflinching honesty, she was free.

"I guess your inability to speak is catching," he said smiling. He stood in front of her, and gently took the hand that was held protectively over her chest. Looking into his eyes, she saw the question, and she answered by uncurling her fist. In the center of her palm was the ring.

It was antique, for sure. The intricate setting held a small diamond, hugged on either side by tiny chips of pink tourmaline. The gold was aged, but still beautiful and enduring. The way she could imagine their love when they were old and grey.

"It's beautiful", she said honestly. "It's nothing like I ever expected to have, but somehow it's perfect. But than I never expected to fall in love with a spy, either, but here we are", she said wryly.

"Well if it makes you feel any better, I never expected to fall in love with such a sarcastic, stubborn, out-spoken woman. You know, I wasn't sure to laugh or cry the day I realized I was whipped. I was thinking of petitioning the state to declare it a holiday. The passing of my bachelorhood should definitely be mourned, don't you- ow!"

Jabbing him in the ribs with her elbow, she laughed. "I see that your ego is as healthy as ever." She watched as he good-naturedly rubbed his side.

"About as healthy as your penchant for beating the weak and defenseless."

"Oh, oh, weak and defenseless my foot!"

The laughter died in her throat as he took the ring from her hand.

"It belonged to my mother, and her mother before that." His voice was quiet and reverent as he recalled the memory, "She told me the history of the ring, but back then I was a little boy and found the story boring. At one point, I remember telling my mother that rings were for girls. And she just laughed at me softly and said, 'That is precisely why you should know about rings. One day, my Adrian, you will find a girl, and you will like her so much you'll want to give her a ring.'"

He shook his head, the corners of his lips turned up in a sad sort of smile. "I didn't believe her then. The truth is, I never believed her until I met you. After my mother….when the ring passed to me, I took it and a few items with me no matter where I was sent. Despite the temporariness of my lifestyle, there were some things that were too invaluable for me to let go. But it was too dangerous keeping them where someone could find them, so I always took out a safety deposit box."

"The sketches of me…."

"Yes. Those, to me, were priceless treasures as well. So I could look at them and remember my time with you. But you were-are- my real treasure, but one I could never take with me."

"I guess I'd be a little hard to fit into a safety deposit box."

"There is that, but also the fact that it wasn't practical. I was an intelligence officer on a mission that would end, and when it did, I would have to leave. But then….I almost lost you, Colleen."

He crushed her against his body, and she could feel the heat of his body seeping into hers. Hugging him back, she realized how long it'd been since things felt so right.

His breath caressed the side of her ear as he whispered to her. "God, do you know what that was like? To wonder if I'd get to you in time. If I was too late to save you….I've had innocents caught up in the cross-fire before, but never before were the stakes so high. Never before was the innocent someone I loved. If they had killed you, they would have killed me too. Maybe not physically, but it made me realize I would never be able to feel alive again without you. I love you, Colleen."

"You are a total idiot, you know that? It took you that long to come to this conclusion? And you're supposed to be the smart one…."she said, trying to distract him from seeing her tearing up by teasing him.

"Hey, I'm not the only one who was slow on the uptake. Why don't we both plead temporary insanity under extreme duress and call it even?"

"Maybe. I might need some persuading, however."

She grinned impishly and grabbed him by the collar, claiming his lips like something precious from the lost and found.

He groaned against her lips. "Lucky for you, persuasion is one of my many talents. Maybe I could also reacquaint you with a few others as well?"

"You could." She gave him a smile that was genuine and happy.

He wrapped his arms around her, and she thought that nothing had ever seemed more natural to her.

"Far be it from me to push my luck but….are we really okay?" He sounded hopeful, but she heard the uncertainty there. She sighed.

"Adrian- I would be lying if I said I was completely okay with everything that's happened. Not even a ring can make it all go away. I'm not even sure if time can. You're not perfect…."

"Well I for one thought I was rather convincing specimen of masculine perfection." He laughed, his eyes full of mirth. "So why don't you enlighten me as to these shortcomings you've discovered."

"Can't. The list wouldn't fit in my purse."

"Oh, there's a list now."

She slapped him on the shoulder. "What I was _trying _to say, was that no one is perfect, Adrian- but you're perfect for me." She molded her body against his, wanting to be as close as she could to the man she loved. Then Adrian straightened up and drew away.

"There's something I have to ask you first…" Taking her left hand, he held up the engagement ring.

"Will you marry me?"

She was overcome by a feeling of surrealism. This was what she wanted…wasn't it? She did love Adrian, and he had shared parts of his past with her- but the truth was, she had given her heart to a stranger.

"Adrian…I want to say yes. Believe me, if you had asked me before all of this, the only way you would've gotten that ring off me was to pry it from my cold, dead fingers." At her words, Adrian's face turned pale.

"Sorry, sorry, bad choice of words", she said hurrying on. "What I meant was, things just moved so fast. Not only that, there's this whole other part of you I'm just learning about. I knew Adrian Korbel. But I'm not marrying him, I'm marrying Adrian Wulff. I just think that I owe it to the both of us to really get to know him. Don't you?"

She couldn't read his expression, but the tears in his eyes was unmistakable. For a moment she was afraid he was angry. Then his smile chased away her fears, reassuring her that he was alright. They were alright.

"I understand. I'm still trying to figure out who that person is, too. And I think with you by my side, I'll finally have the courage to find out." He clasped her hand in his, tenderly kissing her fingers.

"I am by your side, Adrian. Please don't think I'm saying no, it's more like…not right now. I want the chance to get to know each other, to be able act like any other couple in love, just enjoying one another's company at a movie, or restaurant. I want to do this right. Can you understand that?"

Adrian released a sigh. "I can." Her eyes were drawn to the ring as he placed it carefully on an end table. She rubbed her fingers absently. "But I want you to understand that the ring only has one owner per lifetime- and that's you, Colleen. It won't ever belong to anyone else. I'll wait however long I have to until you're ready to wear it."

Then his voice took on a playful tone. "Lucky for you, I have an amazing capacity for patience. The woman I love is very demanding."

"Oh, you bet I'm demanding." She grinned mischievously, running her hands over his chest suggestively. "And I think it's about time I remind you just how demanding I can be." Being in such close proximity to Adrian acutely reminded her how much she missed their closeness. Her body ached in response, but for once she didn't want the feeling to go away.

Adrian raised an eyebrow. "Oh, I think I can handle it. You know, we had a lot of endurance exercises when I went through training."

"Ahh…so that's where you get your impressive endurance from. You know, I'm beginning to see that this side of you could definitely have it's perks."

Adrian pulled away, shooting her a devil-may-care grin. She watched as he opened the door and hung a "Do Not Disturb" tag on the doorknob. He lazily walked back to her, embracing her as if they had all the time in the world.

And she was finally beginning to see that they did.


	8. Epilogue Full Circle

'**The Price of Trust' Epilogue**

"_Full Circle"_

By Andrea/azurewings

* * *

_Author's Note: This is it, people- the very end of 'The Price of Trust'. I apologize to all my readers for taking so long with updates. All I can say is how much I truly appreciate your patience and support. And a thank you to each and every one of you who've left a review. I don't know if I will write any more Colleen and Adrian fics, but I guess you never can tell. I hope you enjoy this ending as much as I do! _

_Disclaimer- All characters are the property of 'The Young & Restless'._

* * *

It was Halloween, and Kevin Fischer was cleaning tables when the angel asked for two café Americano's. He shook his head, recognition finally dawning.

"Colleen- wow. That, uh, that's some get-up." He took in the wings and faux halo. " I gotta say, I'm a little disappointed that you decided to be an angel- you should definitely come over to the dark side. Get way better health and dental."

Colleen laughed, and for a moment he was floored by the carefree sound. A few of the male patrons turned around to look, obviously also captivated by her laughter.

She really was a heavenly vision- a shimmering, off the shoulder white robe, a silver circlet wrapping around her head, hair cascading around her shoulders. And the wings….totally bitchin. He wondered if they came in black.

"So, what do holy avengers drink anyway? ", he asked, grinning impishly.

She smiled back. "Pretty much what everyone else does. Actually, I was hoping I could get-"

"Let me guess, a Café Americano with extra room?"

"Two of them, actually."

"Right."

As he prepared the coffee, Colleen was absently studying the Halloween decorations with a soft smile on her face. He knew without a doubt that it wasn't the decorations she was thinking about. The time they'd been friends could be counted in months rather than years, but he considered himself a perceptive person. Even if he wasn't, it was impossible to miss the happiness that lit her eyes and smile of contentment that she seemed to wear as a constant accessory. It was hard to believe that she was the same woman who'd been so cold and depressed months earlier- the change was undeniable.

And it's name was Adrian.

He wasn't much better. Oh, the professor was just as snaky and glib as ever, but it was somehow much more difficult to take his barbs seriously when they were accompanied by a wide and playful grin. And the way he looked at Colleen, you'd think she was the one who put the moon in the sky. Together, the two of them were the poster couple for happily ever after. Although he loudly complained that their 'lovey dovey' antics gave him indigestion, it really just made him a bit wistful. Love was a precious and rare commodity, yet Colleen and Adrian seemed to have it in spades.

"So where is that whipped puppy of yours, anyway? Isn't he usually at your heels?"

"Kevin! Adrian is not a whipped puppy-"

He shot her a doubtful look, and she looked away, her cheeks turning flush.

"Anyway, he's at the university. The art department put together a haunted house this year to raise money for additional supplies, and Adrian and I are helping out."

He knew that Adrian had saved Colleen's life when she'd been kidnapped, and they'd broken up. Afterwards, Adrian had left Genoa City, but he'd come back a few weeks later, and the two love birds had picked up where they'd left off. He'd never questioned either of them about it, but he had a feeling there was a very big story there, and that Adrian was more than the art professor he seemed to be. If he knew one thing about Colleen Carlton, it was that she was attracted to trouble the way a diabetic was to a candy bar- dangerously, hopelessly and irresistibly- their friendship perfect case in point.

"Sounds cool." He placed the Americano's on the counter, emphatically waving his hand when Colleen reached into her purse to pay for them. "Hey, don't worry about it. You and your puppy are the ones keeping me in business with your caffeine addiction. I figure that deserves a free cup of Joe every now and then."

She rolled her eyes at him, but took the coffee without further remark. With her hands full, she offered a pinky wave good-bye.

He smiled.

What was a couple free Americano's in the larger scheme of things? He figured that if he got in Adrian and Colleen's good graces, they'd let him do the catering for the wedding he knew was inevitable. Wiping down the counter one last time, he pulled out his calculator and happily began creating estimates.

* * *

"Have a good night, Colleen." A young man dressed from head to toe in bandages waved good-bye.

"Terry-" Colleen stood up from the ticket table she'd been stationed at for the evening outside the school's gymnasium, and waved the mummy over.

She and Adrian had barely seen each other all night, except for the brief break when she'd brought him coffee. The rest of the evening she'd been stuck selling tickets. It wasn't boring or anything….just that she couldn't help noticing all the couples going into the haunted house, and couldn't help wistfully thinking how much she would have preferred spending Halloween with Adrian as a couple.

It was also a year ago that she'd kissed Adrian for the very first time, on Halloween. She'd been so unexpectedly attracted to him, to his warmth. They'd come so far and been through so much together since then. Their relationship hadn't always been an easy one, but she knew without a doubt, in her heart ,that it was absolutely worth it. And now that the haunted house had been closed for the past twenty minutes, she was more than ready to leave and celebrate the holiday in a much more entertaining and intimate way then merely kissing.

"Hey, how many people are still in there?", she asked casually, jabbing her thumb behind her to indicate the gym.

"Hayes and Ava already left ahead of me", Terry said, referring to his girlfriend and another classmate who'd played the parts of Michael Myers and The Bride of Frankenstein, respectively. She did recall seeing them come out, as well as a mad scientist and several others in costume. But no Dracula, which was what Adrian was dressed as for the evening. She thought the cape looked especially sexy on him, the way it followed him like a dark cloud when he moved

"Was there anyone else still cleaning up?" She tried keeping her tone even and innocent, but he looked at her and gave her a wink.

"Just Professor Korbel."

She could feel her cheeks getting hot under her classmates knowing stare. It was not-so-secret knowledge that she and the professor were an item and co-habitated together, and although she was no longer in any of Adrian's classes, they still thought it best to maintain an air of professionalism when they were on campus. Which had meant there had been no kissing, touching or flirting of any kind tonight.

For several nights, she admitted to herself. Adrian had seemed more than a little distant, but every time she showed any concern, he assured her he just had a lot going on. Like the other night, when he'd told her he had a lot to juggle, personally and professionally. She'd jokingly told him she'd be glad to help- after all, she'd been practically raised in a three-ring circus. But Adrian had only smiled at her softly, and went out for a jog "to clear his head", as he put it.

She shook off her worry long enough to wave good-bye to Terry as shuffled out the door, bandages from his costume trailing behind him. She waited a heartbeat before turning to the gymnasium and pushing open the double doors.

Blinking multiple times, she waited for her eyes to adjust to the darkened room. Strange. Everyone had been cleaning up- so why were the lights still down so low? The gym had been turned into a maze of multiple rooms, and she stood in the first one, a mad scientist's lab. The fake blood had been scrubbed from the walls, but she still felt herself shiver.

"Adrian?" She called, licking her lips nervously. The hairs stood on the back of her neck and she rubbed her arm as if chilled, searching for any sign of her lover amongst the shadows. Some people enjoyed the adrenaline rush that came from a good scare, but she'd had more than enough of those to last a lifetime. She just wanted to find Adrian and get out of this place- it was giving her the creeps.

For the next few minutes, she searched each of the rooms- the graveyard, the mummy's tomb, and the insane asylum. By then her anger had overridden her fear, and she was vocally cursing Adrian and 'the stupidity of the male species.' She was already mentally preparing a litany of vulgarities for making her trudge around looking for him, when she found him in the haunted parlor.

The walls resembled stonework, covered in old tapestries, and the room looked like it came from some very ancient, and very haunted, mansion. Several candlesticks were still lit, and in their eerie light, she could see Adrian's face in profile. He sat on a crimson velvet couch, so deep in thought, he hadn't even heard her approach- he simply stared at a single candle, unblinking. As the candlelight flickered against his face, her stomach tightened in response.

"Adrian?"

His face turned toward the sound of her soft voice, and although he tried to mask it, she could still see the weariness on his face. Not even his smile could banish it. She took quick steps to stand in front of him, and then dropped to her knees, placing her hands on each of his knees. He stroked her face with his thumb, and she gave him her most winning smile, hoping to chase away whatever was bothering him.

"Colleen- my guardian angel….always ready to save me." He cupped her face in his hands and smiled at her gently. She looked into his eyes, and she was frightened by how much turmoil she saw there. He must have sensed it, because he tore his eyes away from her in the next instant, casting his eyes to watch some far off place.

"You always save me", he whispered fiercely.

"Adrian, what are you talking about?" He was acting so strangely. "Why are you sitting here in the dark?", she asked, worry making her voice sharper than she intended.

He studied her face for the longest time, and then shook his head. When he looked at her again, she could see him struggling with something.

"You tell me all the time that I can trust you. And you know that you can trust me, whatever it is", she reassured him. He sighed in response.

"I know."

"Adrian….it's just that you've seemed a little distant lately. A lot, actually. Whatever it is that has you upset, I wish you'd just tell me. I could help you," she pleaded.

"Do you really want to know what I was thinking about? I was sitting here," he gestured to the room, "in the dark, thinking about how much Dracula and I have in common."

She sat there, frozen, not knowing if she should laugh or check his head for a fever. Adrian saw her conflicted look and laughed.

"It's not what you think, Colleen, it's just- we both fell in love with women we thought we could never have, who belonged to someone else. Both of us, faced with people who looked at our relationships in disgust, both of us seen as some kind of terrible monster, coercing and seducing an innocent young woman. Both of us…." his voice faltered- "both of us living in darkness for so long."

The torment in his voice broke her heart, and he caressed her face with trembling hands, as if to reassure she was really there. She pressed closer, wanting to give him the reassurance he so desperately sought.

"Maybe all of that's true, but you're hardly a monster, Adrian. How could you ever believe that. You've made mistakes in your life, yes, but who hasn't? What matters is who we are today- what matters is that we're together, and you are the man I am desperately, hopelessly in love with."

She reached up to press her lips against his, praying to transfer all that she felt into the kiss.

"Is this what's been bothering you lately? That you think you're some kind of monster- that, somehow, you don't deserve me?"

Adrian nodded. "That's part of it. But after plenty of mental self-flagellation, I came to pretty much the same conclusion you did- that I deserve to be happy. That you make me happy. And I want to spend the rest of my life making you as happy as you make me."

He took her hands in his, softly stroking her hands with his thumbs, and asked, "Want to know what else I've concluded?"

"Dare I ask?" She laughed, warmed by his declaration and reassured that he was through with beating himself up for what had happened in the past.

"That if I had been Dracula, I would've done things entirely different."

She raised an eyebrow, amused by his cryptic words. "Really? What would you have done?"

He looked into her eyes, and her heart sped up, seeing the intensity and passion that was there. That was for her.

"I wouldn't have tried to force the woman I love to spend eternity with me- I simply would've asked her."

For one wild moment, her heart seemed to stop and she couldn't breathe. Then it started again, violently pounding inside her chest. He withdrew his hand from hers, and reached into his pocket. Pulling it back out, he held the ring he'd offered to her months earlier. The antique gold caught in the candlelight, flickering like a light house that offered safe harbor.

"I know that you wanted to wait, that you wanted time to be a couple and get to know one another. But what I know now doesn't change what I knew then- what I knew from the first moment I met you. I love you, and we were meant to spend the rest of our lives together. You are everything I ever wanted, and everything I never knew I wanted." As he spoke, his eyes flashed to life, lit by the intense flame of his emotions.

She sniffed, and wiped her eyes on her sleeve. She gave a watery laugh. "Like peanut butter and jelly?"

"What?"

"The way some things are meant to be together."

He laughed, and it made her shake with joy in about a million places, many of them in the vicinity of her heart. He traced the silver circlet around her forehead, and looked at her seriously.

"Colleen Carlton- will you marry me?"

She looked at the ring, and then back into his eyes. Searching them, she found everything she needed, and everything she wanted. She smiled, kissing the tip of his nose, and gave the answer that was in her heart-

"As long as I get to be peanut butter."


End file.
